Let’s Talk- RAW 02-13-2017
We open with Stephanie…what a way to open up this Festival of Friendship. She is running RAW, into the ground AMMIRITE? Anyways, we immediately get Da Big Dawg. Da Big Dawg wants Strowman, Stephanie says they mustn’t touch until Fastlane. This brings out The Club and setting up the odds in which Roman must overcome tonight. 2-1 match between The Club vs. Da Big Dawg
Match 1: Da Big Dawg vs. The Club
Recap: Da Big Dawg goes right after Anderson and Gallows but nevermind that shit we need a commercial. Da Big Dawg gets beat up. Da Big Dawg comes back. Da Big Dawg jacks off his arm and hits Da Supamahn Paunch on Anderson. Da Big Dawg has the numbers game stacked against him and Anderson and Gallows get DQ’d for kicking too much ass. Da Big Dawg is almost hit with the Magic Killer but Da Big Dawg gets out and throws his erect first into Gallows and Anderson sending them packing. Da Big Dawg reigns supreme.
Your Winner: Da Big Dawg via DQ
We get recaps of Kevin and Chris antics.
Match 2: Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas
Recap: The come out and cut the same shtick they always do…owls out in Las Vegas. Apparently The New Day has stolen CM Punk’s ice cream gimmick. Also, Bo rips up the plans for ice cream. Grown men folks…Anyways, Bo almost wins but doesn’t and is S.O.S’d for the loss. Also, the faces come into the ring and pour cereal into a unconscious man’s mouth, such faces!
Your Winner: Kofi Kingston
Neville explains how much better he is than anyone else on the 205 roster. Gallaher comes in, but is cut off and told that he is not on Neville’s level. Gallaher goes to leave but comes back and tells Neville that maybe Neville isn’t liked because he is a bit of a pellock. Honestly the best thing on the show so far.
Match 3: Noam Dar vs. Jack Gallaher
Recap: Gallaher does his cartwheel and twists out of moves. Dar does some ground work, because we all know that the crowd wants to see these guys just work ground holds. Headstand in the corner into dropkicks. Headbutt to Dar and the running dropkick for the victory. Neville comes out after the match and holds the championship above his head.
Your Winner: Jack Gallaher
Backstage we see Joe and HHH get out of the stretch mini-van. However, more importantly than that we are going to see the debut of Emmalina.
Emmalina comes out and drops the gimmick Seven in WCW style. So we waited all this time to debut a gimmick they wanted to drop, so that Emma could go back to her badass gimmick (hopefully). While stupid in the wait, I like her previous character more than where they were heading in Emmalina.
Backstage with It’s Bayley hyping up her Championship match tonight against Charlotte. She hypes up that she is in the main event. Good little babyface promo from Bayley.
Fourth segment in a row with Jericho and Kevin backstage. This so they can run into HHH and ask to speak to Kevin…alone…with wine! Also, when we come back Kevin and HHH are talking but the mic apparently doesn’t work on that camera, as we can’t hear a word they are saying.
Match 4: Braun Strowman vs. Mark Henry
Recap: BRAAAAAAUUUUUUNNNNNNNN comes out to face the Hall of Pain. Braun takes Mark into the corner but Mark fights out taking Strowman into the other corner. Ref gets in between them allowing Braun to sucker-slap Mark. He comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Braun works a rest hold, because why not. Henry fights up and hits the splashes in the corner. Mark goes for the World Strongest Slam but Strowman shifts his weight and drops on top of him. Front dropkick by Strowman and a Powerslam onto Henry for the 1…2…3! However, disregard this chicanery, here comes Da Big Dawg. Da Big Dawg is selling that “beating” he took early and is sent off the apron by Braun. Da Big Dawg stuns Strowman and jacks off that strong arm and hits Da Supa Mahn Paunch. He looks for the spear but Strowman catches Da Big Dawg in the Powerslam!
Your Winner: Braun Strowman
Backstage between Cesaro and Sheamus and Enzo and Cass. Sheamus saves a flubbed line saying he can’t speak straight because he is looking at Enzo. Cass tells Sheamus that he attacked The Club because they attacked Enzo and he has his partner’s back. This sets up a match between the two teams tonight.
Good Joe sitdown interview. Joe is asked if what he did is underhanded. He agrees and says he does what he does basically as a means to an end. He says the reason he wasn’t in WWE for 18 years was because they were afraid of him. They bring up Seth and Joe has the line of the night, “Rebuild, reclaim, reconquer re-injured” He stops Cole from focusing on HHH and asks him what they are were there to talk about. He tells Cole that he is just not happy to be here on RAW he is here to shake things up. He is asked about prior relationships of HHH and how they went sour. Joe tells Cole that those people needed HHH, he doesn’t. Great promo, and I have to apologize because Joe can do a calm cocky promo!
Match 5: Sami Zayn vs. Rusev
Recap: Let’s talk about how Rusev does all the small things right. In a rest hold, where as others bore me and look like they are resting, Rusev changes his positioning, runs his elbow into the face, grabs the hair, and does a lot of little things to make that rest hold seem important. Sami got some distance and does a dive over the top rope onto Rusev. Again, Rusev is awesome and does a fall-away slam but loses his faceguard. Instead of just putting it back on he sells his nose before doing so. Sami misses a top rope dive and is side kicked in the head for a 2, and a 2, and another 2. Rusev charges at Sami but hits his face off the ringpost, however, Sami is stuck in 1st gear in the offense department. Outta Nowhere we see Sami hit the Helluva kick and pick up the victory!
Your Winner: Sami Zayn
After the match Sami cuts a sweet little babyface promo and mentions Joe’s comment from earlier. This brings out Joe who blindsides Sami. Joe manhandles Sami and chokes him out. Looking like we may see a Sami vs. Joe match at Fastlane.
Teddy, Teddy Long is in Da Hall of Fame Playa!
Match 6: Daivari vs. Tozawa
Recap: Chops between the two. Akira Ha-Ha-Ha’s up several times however when he goes to attack Daivari he waits and slaps him across the face. Daivari takes over on Tozawa but Tozawa finally comes back and hits a hurricanrana, and then the torpedo, suicide dive. Back into the ring and Tozawa ducks a clothesline and hits a snap German suplex for the 1…2…3!
Your Winner: Akira Tozawa
It is time for the Festival of Friendship! A lot of pomp, a lot of ballyhoo, and a lot of filler. We slowly see Jericho being led to the ring by several, beautiful ladies. You can already tell that there is something brewing with Kevin. We get reveals, we get memories, and we get…filler. Jericho gives him gifts. He reveals two people having sex, I think? They we see the creation of Owens. After the commercial we get an appearance of Gillberg! Anyways this entertaining filler led to Kevin attacking Jericho ending Jeri-KO forever!
Match 7: Enzo vs. Cesaro
Recap: Enzo does a good job of running down Cesaro and his gimmicks. Still can’t figure out why these guys are always in the same segment every week. Also, the Marshmallows in a Swiss Miss package aren’t soft, just saying. Aloha Cesaro into a deadlight, into a backbreaker by Cesaro. Cesaro back and forth with the European uppercuts but Enzo blocks and hits a Bret’s rope DDT. Enzo off the ropes but he is lifted into the European uppercut and Cesaro gets the 3!
Your Winner: Cesaro
It’s time for YOUR MAAAAAIIIIINNNN EVENT
Match 8: Bayley vs. Charlotte (c) for the WWE RAW Women’s Championship
Recap: Arm-wringers start us off. Charlotte tries to assert her dominance but Bayley stops that with a stiff slap to the face. Bayley hits a crossbody from Bret’s rope. Charlotte and Bayley share standing switches but Charlotte rolls Bayley up into the turnbuckle pad (Not sure if this is something I want to see ever again). All Charlotte until Bayley hits the jawbreaker. Hangman’s necklock, stretch, into a neckbreaker onto Bayley. Charlotte hits a moonsault off the barricade and crashes into Bayley. Either Bayley is an awesome seller or Bayley was letting Charlotte just pummel her with these moves. Bayley fights back and hits a side suplex and goes to the top and hits the elbow drop. Charlotte is stuck uptop and is hit with the top rope hurricanrana but Bayley can only get a 2. Dana Brooke reappears for some reason, I guess when it convenient. She gets to Bayley and Charlotte is able to reverse a Figure Four and lock in a Figure Eight of her own. Sasha comes down and attacks Dana and then hits Charlotte in the breast is the only way I can describe it, with the crutch. Belly-to-Bayley and a 1…2…3! Crowd really came to life for this victory. Both Women put on a really good match.
Your Winner and NEW WWE RAW Women’s Champion: It’s Bayley
Show Overall: Whoa, a completely backwards night on RAW. The first hour just dragged on, while the last hour had a solid amount of content in it. HHH was back but we focused on Joe. Joe had a really good segment and it looks like we will see Sami and Joe at Fastlane. Bayley and Charlotte had a really well put together match with a crowd that ate up a Bayley victory and title change. It is left a little flat in the fact that we have seen this dog and pony show on RAW too many times in the past year but I was truly excited for that victory. Also, I still think Sasha is turning on Bayley and soon. While you could see Kevin breaking up with Jericho tonight from a mile away I still loved that it happened. If we need Kevin to be a monster, then he needs to be a monster. Also, I think we are going to see that HHH devised a plan to help Kevin survive Goldberg at Fastlane and that is why Kevin did what he did, but we will have to wait and see. I hope Smackdown has their work pants on because they will have to to win me over this week! So…
Until Next Time,
Monty the Yank