HAPPY NEW YEAAAARRRRRR *TRUMPET’S, STREAMERS, AND PYRO!* How the hell is everyone? Me, I am greeeeeat! So, let’s get started! What does RAW have in store for us tonight? Let’s find out!
Mick Foley is in the ring rocking a new haircut. I believe he is incapable of getting a normal haircut. It looked like when you have to cut mats off of a curly dog. You either shave them and make it look good, or you just cut out the mats and hope that you can comb it into something respectable. Mick forgot his comb. Mick promotes the main event of the Rumble, however, immediately we see Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens come down to the ring. After some back and forth we get two matches booked. One is Kevin and Seth, with the loser being barred from ringside for the second match, which was Chris Jericho vs. Roman Reigns for the United States Championship. Also, Chris will have Goldberg on the Kevin Owens Show for our main event segment of the show. And, yes I ignored that Stephanie came out, because I don’t care. Why? Because she isn’t a face or a heel, but she makes sure everyone remembers that she is in charge, because, well because she is.
Match 1: Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens loser is barred from the United State Championship match later tonight.
Recap: We see some walk and brawl in the ring by Kevin. Seth fights him off but we keep seeing Kevin stomping Seth and yelling at the crowd. Seth takes over but RAW has to roll on…to a commercial. Kevin continues to just stomp Seth. He sends him outside and waits for the countout. However, he decides to go out and try the cannonball against the barricade and misses. More kicks by both men leads to an attempt at the Pop Up Powerbomb, but it is reversed into an enziguri by Rollins. Rollins avoids another Cannonball and hits the Slingblade and tries for the Pedigree. Rollins is reversed and sends Kevin to the outside hitting the suicide dive. We see a brawl into the timekeeper’s area. Kevin can take no more of this and hits Seth in the gut with the timekeeper’s bell causing the DQ. Match wasn’t too good, but it did keep the crowd so they did enough. Pedigree attempt after the match sees Kevin bail and take a powder up the ramp.
Your Winner: Seth Rollins via DQ
Cesaro vs. Karl Anderson
Recap: We see a early feeling out process between the two. Once we got back from break we see the action start to pick up. Cesaro hits the step up springboard corkscrew crossbody onto Anderson. Anderson hits a nice spinebuster onto Cesaro. We see a lot of European uppercuts. Springboard Uppercut causes Gallows to try and get involved. Sheamus comes down from commentary and chases Gallows away. Gallows tries to distract Cesaro from super-plexing Anderson. Sheamus takes him off the apron, causing Cesaro to crotch himself on the rope. Anderson comes off the top with a neckbreaker for the 1…2…3! Yes, first off, you are reading this correctly Anderson won a match, and also has a finisher finally. Match was pretty good but did take a few minutes to get going.
Your Winner: Karl Anderson via a top rope neckbreaker
We get a promo package for Strowman vs. Zayn. Pretty well done. Makes this feel like a big match
Match 3: Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn Last Man Standing match
Recap: This was a pretty fantastic match. Ok, maybe fantastic is a bit strong, however, for a Last Man Standing match Braun and Sami did a very good job of making it entertaining. Sami immediately introduced a Kendo stick into the match. Strowman took the shots like a champ and then beals Sami cross the ring. Sami got another Kendo stick and started wearing out Braun. Braun, again, takes away the stick and drops Sami neck first across the barricade. Sami gets to his feet and sends Strowman into the post several times. Sami goes for the between the post and ropes DDT but is punched as he came through causing a 6 count. It did slow down in the middle of the match with Braun just running through Sami and getting a bunch of 5-ish counts by the ref. AND WE GET A FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING LAST MAN STANDING MATCH!!! You have got to be kidding me. So tired of this shit. It takes me out of the match and it is not needed. I want to see them one time take a commercial break in the middle of a promo in the ring. Just cut them off and come back as the person in the ring is just droning on. How important would you think that promo was? That is exactly what this does to a match. Anyways, thank god Sami didn’t lose during the commercial break. We come back to Strowman throwing Sami around. They end up in the back and Sami wears Braun out with a pipe (PVC). Sami is thrown like a ragdoll up onto one of the big equipment boxes. Sami gets a chair and starts working over Braun’s back. Braun throws Sami up onto the ramp. Braun starts running Sami into the stage wall. Sami gets the chair again and works Braun into the side of the entrance ramp. He looks at the crowd and hits a crossbody sending both of them through a couple of table. Chair and Sami gets lifted up onto the ramp and Sami is then power slammed onto the ground. Sami is up at 9, but he is taken back out and the count starts again, and again and finally Braun hits another power slam onto the floor for the 10 count victory.
Your Winner: Braun Strowman via 10 count
The New Day and Titus with a segment in the ring. Titus actually did a good job getting one over on New Day. New Day cut their typical promo. This leads to a match between Woods and Titus. Also, all of the New Day is in the Royal Rumble match. Also, Titus tried to join the New Day.
Match 4: Xavier Woods vs. Titus O’Neil
Recap: Now that match? Nope, it sort of sucked. Not the worst thing I have seen Titus do in the ring, but he is just not getting any better. By not talking about this match, you missed nothing important. Titus went to throw Woods up onto his shoulders and he is sunset flipped into a 1…2…3!
Your Winner: Xavier Woods via Sunset Flip
Apparently, Charlotte has better attorneys than the fucking WWE…And that is why they expunged the victory. Also, Bayley is made fun of and degraded by Stephanie. You know because this is building up for the big Stephanie vs. Bayley match at Wrestlemania… Anyways She books Bayley vs. Nia Jax for the Number One Contendership to the WWE RAW Women’s Championship.
Cedric and Noam Dar are backstage. Dar apologies to Cedric. Cedric tells him that he should apologies to Alicia Fox. Noam apologies to Fox and then calls her sweet cheeks…awesome.
Cedric Alexander vs. Drew Gulak
Recap: Did you watch 205 live? Well if you did, this match happened last week, except Nese was in the match and Drew did the distraction. Gulak did a nasty looking slam onto the ropes causing Cedric to bounce back onto his neck. Might want to take that out of the repertoire. Cedric hits the handspring kick to the head. So, Nese got onto the rope that causes Fox to take him down allowing Gulak…brace for it…to roll up Cedric for the 1,2,3 victory. Makes me want to tune into 205 live for the Alicia Fox vs Tony Nese match that isn’t happening, or the Cedric Alexander vs Tony Nese match that happened already.
Your Winner: Drew Gulak via the dreaded Roll Up!
Match 5: Roman Reigns(C) vs. Chris Jericho for the United States Championship (If Roman is DQ’d or Counted Out he loses the US Championship)
Recap: Why did we need this match again? Especially for the fact that Chris lost again. How am I supposed to take either of the main heels seriously if they just lose over and over and over and over and over again. The purpose of this match was to what? We have seen Jericho and Reigns face off for this belt I believe several times already. Also, I really do think Roman will win and probably should win at the Rumble, so why not have him be screwed out of the title? Only thing I think may happen, and this is why I sort of think this ending was OK, is that I believe Strowman may cause Reigns the championship at the Rumble and then, eventually, win the US belt off of Roman Reigns. Anyways, to the match itself. It was good. It was very much the same match they had about a month ago, but it was good. Chris does do a good job of building up heat on Roman a lot better than Kevin does. Not a slight on Kevin, Chris is just better at pulling out spots that better compliments his opponents. Chris dropkicks Roman to the outside and looks for the countout. He then avoids the Drive-by and tosses Roman into the ringpost almost causing another countout. Later in the match we see Chris grab the US belt and throw it to Roman and falls to the ground acting like Roman used it on him to try and get Roman DQ’d. Ref doesn’t buy it and allows the match to continue. Jericho hits a Codebreaker but he can’t secure the victory. Finish sees Jericho, who had removed the turnbuckle pad earlier, run at Roman but runs head first into the turnbuckle. He turns around and eats a spear for the 1…2…3!
Your Winner and STILL United States Champion: Roman Reigns
Match 6: TJ Perkins vs. THE Brian Kendrick
Recap: I was into this match, as much as, the crowd was. It was just two guys having a match because we had a segment to fill. Coming from the fact that Kendrick and TJ have had a storyline, to see that this was just match is sort of sad. Nothing happened and we see a Detonation Kick into the knee bar and a tap out victory for TJ Perkins.
Your Winner: TJ Perkins via Knee Bar
Match 7: Big Cass vs. Rusev and Jinder Mahal
Recap: Nothing happens. Jinder distracts Cass and Rusev hits a Super Kick for the victory. Yep,a kick he does all the time in a match.
Your Winners: Rusev and Jinder Mahal via Super Kick
Match 8 Bayley vs Nia Jax for the Number One Contendership to the WWE RAW Women’s Championship
Recap: This wasn’t a very good match. I have seen them have better but it is testament to the inexperience of Nia Jax. Also, why didn’t we hear from Bayley and/or Nia leading up to this in the final hour? Just Stephanie making fun of Bayley and then the match, mind you, that was buried in the flurry of matches in the 3rd hour. Finish sees Bayley make a comeback on Nia’s onslaught. Nia because stupid and got to the middle rope. Sasha Banks music distracts Nia Jax and Bayley hits the Belly-to-Bayley from Bret’s rope for the 1…2…3.
Your Winner and Number one Contender to the WWE RAW Women’s Championship: It’s Bayley via the Belly-to-Bayley
It’s time for YOUR MAAAAAIIIIINNNNN EVENT!
Your main event sees Goldberg come down for the Kevin Owens Show. I did like that his sign was a guy in the ring with the Kevin Owens Show sign on his head. Kevin swerves the crowd and announces that he has a guest that defined the attitude era and then announces Chris Jericho. Chris then works the crowd and tries to get the Goldberg chant restarted. Chris then puts Tampa Bay on the list for chanting for Goldberg. After wasting time then finally bring down Goldberg. Chris announces that he will be in the Rumble and he makes a point. Who better to face off at Wrestlemania than the two best friends. OK, now we get Goldberg. Goldberg tells Jericho that he is first and then, when asked to sit down in the lawnchair, throws the lawnchair onto the ramp. Kevin asks Goldberg if he was supposed to be intimidated because he said Jackhammer and threw some furniture around. Kevin this proceeds to throw the rest of the furniture around. They get face-to-face but Paul Heyman comes out and announces that Brock isn’t there tonight. He does say that Brock with Eat, Sleep, Eliminate repeat over and over. Goldberg tells him that, that is not what is going to happen.
This then brings out Roman…because why not. I mean I actually know why, it is because he could be champion going into Wrestlemania. Roman is being booed, sort of, until he get into the face of Goldberg. Braun Strowman’s music hits and he walks out to the ring. Paul is hiding in the corner and hands him the mic while cowering in fear. Braun says that HE will win the Royal Rumble. This ends up being a three way stare down, followed up by a double spear by Goldberg and Roman sending us off the air. Segment was fine, but it was just overbooked. I think we could have saved some of this for another week, but I also understand Goldberg isn’t going to be here every week and they got all that they could get in one segment, even if it meant hurting the overall effectiveness of said segment.
Show Overall: Show was pretty good, until the final hour. The final hour just threw a bunch of matches at the audience without much rhyme or reason. This was a perfectly booked two hour show that had to have a third hour and they just threw match, after match, after meaningless match at us. I believe that final hour had four matches in it, and the only one that mattered was the women’s match that ended up not having as much of an affect on the crowd due to the rushed, meaningless nature of the final hour. The final segment was also rushed and felt sloppy. I know they were trying to get over the point that all these men are getting involved at the Rumble, but you also had Kevin Owens out there who isn’t in the Rumble and Roman Reigns, who is also not in the Rumble. I know they need to build to Wrestlemania but the overall effectiveness of this segment was lost on the fact that it just sort of threw everyone out there and left us with Braun being taken out, after building up him being unstoppable. Also, in the same vein, if you were going for the Rumble build, then where the hell was Seth? Show was fine, but I would say you can totally skip the final hour. So…
Until Next Time,
Monty the Yank