Let’s Talk- Fastlane 03-05-2017

Match 1: Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe

Recap: a very, physical match between these two competitors. Early on we see Sami get one or two moves in succession before Joe would cut him off. Joe picks Sami apart limb by limb depending which limbs was closes to his reach. Sami goes for a Blue Thunder Bomb and is fought off, but ultimately hits it for a long two. Sami to the top but he misses the flying nothing and is atomic dropped. Senton by Joe for a 2. Joe then hits a nice snap powerslam for another 2. Joe punches out Sami but Sami was playing possum and rolls him up for a 2. To the top again by Sami sees Joe hit the Enziguri to Sami’s head followed up by a super-plex that was blocked. Sami goes for the Sunset Flip Powerbomb but can’t get Joe down. He necks Joe but is hit with the Uranage in the corner and Joe locks in the rear naked choke for the tap out victory.

Your Winner: Samoa Joe

Charlie interviews Bayley backstage. Charlie asks a good question for once. She asks if there is more nervous considering that Wrestlemania is only 4 weeks away. Bayley says of course she is. Bayley then says she wants to see if Charlotte is the champion that everyone says she is then maybe she will leave Dana in the back and face her one-on-one tonight to see who the best women is. Nia comes in for no reason and says she is going to beat Sasha. Good news is that someone must have gotten to her and taught her how to talk out of her mouth and not out of her nose.

Match 2: Enzo and Big Cass vs. The Club (c)  for the WWE RAW Tag Team Championship

Recap: What the hell was Enzo wearing? A nice red and leopard print overalls that looks like it was made by Oshbegosh. Now here is the problem with WWE Tag Team wrestling. It has such a formula that you can check out until we see the hot tag. Oddly enough this isn’t as prevalent in NXT, as they have very entertaining tag matches.  Hot tag and Cass runs through Anderson. Fallaway slams and splashes by Cass see him hit the Empire Elbow but has to attack Gallows before the pin. Tag in to Enzo and the Rocket Launcher but Enzo is pulled out of the ring at the last second by Gallows. ENzo takes Gallows out, outside of the ring but is caught with the knee re-entering. Enzo is covered and gets his leg on the rope but Gallows removes it before the ref saw it/the ref would have never seen it. Match was not bad just by the numbers and the ending shows that this feud MUST continue.

Your Winners and STILL WWE RAW Tag Team Champions: The Club

Fuck Mick and Stephanie. Anyways, this is setting up Stephanie and HHH, I assume, not making it to the arena in time. We are setting up the screw job wants of Stephanie being thwarted by Mick.

Match 3: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Recap: So for a majority of this match I was talking with my wife about how I wished they would change Nia’s outfit. I then realized that I missed five minutes of the match and hadn’t missed anything. Nia beats up Sasha, with Sasha hitting very short hope spots. We did establish how flexible Sasha in in this match as every rest hold Nia did was to stretch Sasha is awkward ways. Torture Rack is turned into a Zabisco Hold. Then we see Sasha lock in a backpack sleeper but is fought off again. Random DDT sees Nia get locked into the Bank Statement, but she powers up. Did you not believe me on this look strong, hope spot, look strong, hope spot shit? Sasha gets a rollup and a bridge for the victory! Match was just there, but the crowd did stay into it throughout.

Your Winner: Sasha Banks

We see a Network promo on the Network to try and convince people getting this PPV and Wrestlemania for free to signup…which they won’t, but yet here I am watching a commercial for a network I already pay for.

Match 4: Jinder Mahal vs. Handsome Rusev vs. Cesaro and Sheamus

(Jinder Mahal vs. Cesaro)

Recap: Natural Jinder “Body” Mahal and Rusev vs…what the fuck? Ok, so I will admit I didn’t catch the Mick segment, but I was under the impression that Rusev and Jinder were not a tag team anymore but yet they come out and then they “fight” over who will face either Cesaro and Sheamus. So, I want my Rusev and what I got was Cesaro and Mahal wrestling. Cesaro powers the all natural Jinder for quite awhile then we see Mahal bore the crowd. Cesaro hit the stalling suplex and this match needs to end. How did this show start with Joe and Zayn and I am sitting here an hour later watching Jinder Mahal in the ring on PPV? 619 by Cesaro and a crossbody can’t put Jinder away which brings out some boo-birds. Jinder is randomly distracted by Rusev at the announce table…and is hit with the popup European Uppercut for the 1…2…3! You know, because heaven forbid Cesaro is able to beat this man without the distraction. After the match Jinder is beatten up by Rusev, the heel I guess? Sidekick by Rusev and this bring sout the Big Show…WHHHHHYYYY!!!!!!?????? Oh, because now Rusev has a match…what the fuck is going on here? SO, I thought they said during the match that Rusev wasn’t having a match? Also…

Match 5: Big Show vs. Rusev

Recap: How can I cheer for Big Show when he gets to have a match vs Rusev, who was beaten up just a bit ago? DId Mick establish that Big Show was the second opponent and that is why Jinder beat up Rusev, to face Cesaro? However, We weren’t even sure that Cesaro was going to be the opponent as the announcer were surprised he was the one going at it and not Sheamus? Also, why is this match still going on while I rant? Rusev almost wins with the kicks to the face but Big Show is impervious to kicks. Rusev goes for the Accolade but is shoved away and hit with the chokeslam. Big Show drps the straps and hits another chokeslam, but because he is a face, he does it one more time…just to make sure Rusev is truly dead…but because he is a face he puts Rusev in the corner and decides to punch him in the face. He fucking punched Rusev in the face, who was knocked out in the corner, because he is a face?

Your Winner: The Big Show

Kevin cuts a promo about beating Goldberg tonight.

Match 5: Jack Gallaher vs. Neville (c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Recap: Neville takes Jack around the ring and works him over. He gets into the ring and works him over. We see Gallaher and Neville start the duel punches and we then see Gallaher dive out onto Neville, but to get this spot over they are immediately back into the ring. Huge, top rope back suplex by Gallaher for a long 2. Neville gets the advantage back randomly, and Gallaher’s elbow is bleeding. Gallaher stacks Nevill up for a 2 but he is dropped on his head with a release German suplex, and Neville hits a Phoenix Splash from the second rope. Neville keeps taking it to Gallaher but Gallaher refuses to stay down. Gallaher hits a headbutt and follows it up with another and falls into the pin but Neville squeaks out. To the top with Neville looking for a super-plex but Gallaher fights him off and shoves him to the ground. Gallaher puts Neville up top and hits a ansty sounding headbutt. Gallaher goes for the super-plex but he is dropped onto his head and we see Neville come off the top with the Red Arrow. What I liked about this match was that Neville finally had to pull out his highflying offense to put away Gallaher because Gallaher refused to lose with the strong-style offense. Good match between the two, kudos for them not giving up on Gallaher and allowing for him to be the character he is, but being taken seriously in the ring.

Your Winner and STILL WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Neville

Match 6: The New Day vs. Nobody they just sent them out to cut a promo about ice cream

Recap: Again, grown ass men, kissing, neigh, frenching and ice cream cart. Grown ass men everybody. Also, on top of that it was a filler segment on a PPV. Not a match, just filler.

Match 6: Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Recap: I know this has a lot to do with me being annoyed at this point with a New Day segment just randomly showing up, but can we fucking stop with the big dog moniquer for Roman? His name is Roman Reigns isn’t that cool enough to not make him seem like a 13 year old bully who gave himself a nickname. It is lame, and so annoying how many times Cole says it. Da Big Dawg count, before the match, is already at 3. Now at 4. Braun keeps Roman at bay by throwing him everywhere. Roman finally gets some punches in and the crowd responses with apathy, unfortunately. HUGE spinebuster by Braun. Long chinlock by Braun. Reigns fights up and Braun hits a chokeslam but then throws him down face first instead. Strowman is thrown shoulder first into the post. Chokeslam is reversed into a Samoan drop and the crowd started to get into it, but died again. Superman punch is reversed and (we are at 5 Big DAWGS), Strowman hits a whata-maneuver. Strowman is sent outside and Roman hits a Drive-by. Roman J’s off that D and goes for the Superman Punch but he is caught and thrown through the table. Looked like Braun landed right on top of Roman’s head. Gore, Gore, GOOOOORE by Roman but Braun kicks out at 2. Strowman goes head first into the ring post and is hit with multiple Superman punches. Roman goes for another spear, I think, and is railroaded by Strowman, while the crowd cheers, “Thank you Strowman”. Strowman goes to the top, like a stupid face, and goes for a splash. Roman sets up and hits the spear and the 1…2…3! Good ending to the match but, like I have talked about before, there was no way to get out of this without hurting someone’s build. I liked that they had Braun come off the top and then get hit with a spear to have the crowd react big. Both guys did a good job getting the crowd back into it.

Your Winner: Roman Reigns (Final Big Dawg count was only 6, that I caught)

Mick stops Joe, who was in a suit, and tells him to not interfere. Wouldn’t have made more sense to have Joe in street clothes, or his gear, to build up that he might interfere? Don’t worry Mick, he wooooon’t!

Match 7: Charlotte vs. Bayley (c) for the WWE RAW Women’s Championship

Recap: Charlotte shoos Dana to the back to start off her entrance. You know what would have made me more interested in this match? If I didn’t see it at the Rumble, or on RAW. We get entertaining back and forth with Bayley really taking a majority of the early going. Charlotte then beats on Bayley for about an hour or so. CHOOOPS by Charlotte, CHOOOOPS by Bayley! Moonsault by Charlotte. Clothesline by Bayley out of the corner and the crowd doesn’t react. Bayley with a draping Diamond Cutter and a belly-to-back suplex out of the corner. Bayley puts Charlotte into the Tree of Woe but Charlotte is awkward about it and then Bayley has to repeat a bottom rope springboard into a finger to the face. Crowd is starting to turn on them unfortunately. Hurricanrana gets them back though. Bayley with the top rope elbow but can only get a 2. Charlotte sends Bayley off the apron with a beal onto the floor. She then goes for the Moonsault to the outside. We see Sasha randomly come out, for no reason, what the hell? She attacks Charlotte and we don’t see a DQ, was this a no DQ? Also, Sasha comes in and tells the ref that Charlotte had the tights. Belly-to-Bayley and a victory. This ending made Bayley look like shit, and Sasha look like a huge asshole. Also, Charlotte, the heel, just got screwed out of her win streak. This was a mess. Also, Sasha just standing like a goober behind Bayley as she celebrated was ridiculous!

Your Winner and STILL WWE RAW Women’s Champion: It’s Bayley

We randomly promote that shitty segment from Monday between HHH and Seth.

It’s time for YOOOOUUURRR MAAAAAIIIINNN EVENT!

Match 8: Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens (c) for the WWE Universal Title

Recap: we did get an intense staredown by Goldberg and Kevin before the introduction. Crowd is really behind Goldberg. Kevin Immediately bails out to start us off to play mind games. Kevin finally tells the ref to ring the bell. Jericho’s music hits and Kevin looks to the ramp. He turns around and is killed with the spear and then the Jackhammer, as Jericho claps for Goldberg on the ramp.

Your Winner and NEW Universal Champion: Goldberg

Show Overall: Take out the second hour and this show was pretty good. Joe and Sami was awesome, Bayley Charlotte was a mess, but OK besides the ending, Goldberg Squashed Kevin, and we saw a pretty entertaining Braun vs. Roman match. Did we all get what we wanted? Nope, I doubt it, but I think overall I will applaud WWE for sticking to their guns when they could have changed it up last minute. I liked tonight, but I really need that second hour back! So…

Until Next Time,

Monty the Yank
www.twitter.com/montytheyank