All of us wrestling fans have our inner Vince Russo’s, so what would happen if we all collide and book the Royal Rumble match? The following is the result of hours of browsing wrestling forums and combining all ideas for the Rumble into one big idea.
So the Royal Rumble match starts, number one is Ziggler because he wants to prove to everyone that he is a winner and he will win the whole thing from the #1 spot. Number two is Jerry ‘The King” Lawler, coming right off the commentary table. Lawler enters the ring, then immediately gets super kicked by Ziggler right on his heart, causing Lawler to collapse. The doctors carry Lawler to the back. The number 3 entrant enters, and it is JBL, also coming right off the commentary spot to avenge his friend.
JBL eliminates Ziggler. Ziggler snaps and decides the way to be successful is to enter a “Renaissance” period of his career, so he rips off his gear to unveil his Spirit Squad gear. Number four is a returning Rey Mysterio, and the camera zooms in at JBL’s face while Rey’s music plays, showing the fear in JBL’s face. Cole reminds us on commentary about Rey’s and JBL’s feud years ago. Otunga is surprised and asks Cole why is Cole saying that Kalisto is Rey, which leads Graves to power bomb Otunga through the Spanish announce table.
JBL eliminates Rey, which leads to JBL eliminating himself as he has conquered his biggest fear. JBL proceeds to rip off Rey’s mask, but the person behind the mask turns out to be La Luchadora. JBL rips off La Luchadora’s mask, but it turns out to be Sin Cara. JBL rips off Sin Cara’s face, and reveals that the person behind the mask is actually Primo. JBL returns to the commentary table.
Number five buzzer hits, and Mick Foley’s music hit. The crowd pops, but he says he is here to announce that Raw will be making history, thus entering 3 women in the RR match all together. Nia Jax, a returning Santina Marella, and Paige all enter the ring. Santina watches, while Nia Jax and Paige Brawl. Enter number six, The Undertaker. Taker starts walking to the ring, but it takes him a long time to enter, causing himself to be disqualified from the match because number 7 entered before him. This leads Taker to Tombstone Charles Robinson, setting up their match at WrestleMania 33. Number 7 is Titus, who fails to break Santino’s record again, and is eliminated by Nia Jax. Number 8 is Chris Jericho, who is carrying with him some sort of white powder in a small bag. Jericho drops that bag on the ground, followed by Paige eliminating herself to go and grab that powder.
Jericho decides to team with Nia, so they start kissing and Jericho eliminates Jax, just like what Beth Phoenix did to the Great Khali years before. #9 is The Rock, who is here to avenge his cousin Nia Jax. The Rock eliminates Jericho. #10 is coming, 5..4..3..2..1..!!! Tye Dillinger’s music hits, and the crowd explodes with “10” chants.
The music then switches to the Miz’s music, generating nuclear heat that the arena shakes. Number 11 is Tye, who injures himself while walking down the ramp. Number 12 is Lesnar, who suplexes Miz 10 times and eliminates him. The Rock watches and is laughing his candyass off. Cole says on commentary “Who is the unlucky number 13??????” around three times, until BRAAAUUUN. Braun runs down the ramp and eliminates the Rock and Lesnar.
The Rock and Lesnar are just standing outside laughing because they made so much money today. Numbers 14 to 16 are all New Day Members, who wait for each other to enter the ring. Charles Robinson wanted to disqualify them, but they bribe him with a lifelong subscription of Booty O’s.
The New Day team up on Braun, and Cole says around 4 times “HOW CAN THEY ELIMINTE BRAUN! HE IS A GIANT! HOW CAN THEY GET HIM ABOVE THE TOP ROPE??”. Braun eliminates all members of the New Day, but Kofi is somehow caught by the crowd, until Frank the Clown and Brock Lesnar guy drop him. This causes Big E to rage, so he destroys Frank and BL Guy, and the crowd cheer to death. Number 17 is Goldberg, who eliminates Braun.
Lesnar appears from under the ring and eliminates Goldberg. Number 18 is Baron Corbin, and number 19 is Daniel Bryan. Daniel announces he won’t be wrestling, but he brought with him an Indy darling. Kassius Ohno’s music hit, and Corbin explodes in laughter because of how fat Ohno is. Ohno eliminates Corbin.
Number 20 is Rollins, who eliminates Ohno and says “You were never good enough to join the Shield”. Number 21 is Triple H, who brawls with Seth and eliminates him. Number 22 is Pete Dunne, who is here for revenge. Dunne eliminates HHH using brass knuckles.
Number 23 is Regal, who enters in his gear fit as hell. Dunne tries hitting Regal, but regal reverses and eliminates Dunne. Number 24, a voice screams “REEEEGAAAAL” and Samoa Joe’s music hits. Joe destroys Regal and eliminates him, then number 25 enters, and it is THE DEMON KING! Both brawl for few minutes, then Balor does some crazy move off the top rope and eliminates Joe.
Number 25 is Dean Ambrose, who hits a DD on Balor instantly. Suddenly, Lawler returns and eliminates Ambrose while he is not looking. Number 26 is the full New Wyatt family, who can do whatever they want because they are spooky. They all team up on Balor, then Number 27 hits, and it is a returning Eric Rowan, who betrays his family and teams with Balor. Orton turns on Wyatt too, declaring that Rowan is the true leader of the family. Harper and Bray brawl with Orton and Rowan. Rowan eliminates everyone, and is left with Balor and Orton. Rowan commands Orton to eliminate himself, which he does.
Number 28 hits and it is Curt Hawkins, who declares he is now a member of the New Rowan Family. Curt and Rowan team up on Balor, but number 29 hits and it is Nakamura. Nakamura saves Balor and they eliminate the New Rowan Family. Number 30 hits. It is strange music, but it is Kenny Omega! The three fan favorites brawl for twenty minutes. Kenny has Balor up for a OWA, but Nakamura hits and Kinshasa from the top rope, on Balor.
Finn is finished, Kenny eliminates Nakamura. Kenny has Balor up for a OWA, but Balor does something athletic, which causes both Kenny and Balor to be eliminated at the same time. Charles Robinson is too busy with his Booty O’s, so referee Emmalina comes to save the day. She declares that both competitor’s feet hit the ground at the same time, so they both won. This means we are getting a Bullet Club triple threat as the main event of WrestleMania for AJ’s WWE title. Few days later, Meltzer retires from journalism, as he ran out of stars to give this Royal Rumble match the star rating it deserves.
There you have it, ideas I got from various wrestling forum, all in one big idea!